Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day, Galentine’s Day, or Guyentine’s Day? I love how inclusive this day has become!
My husband and I don’t celebrate this day the traditional way either. Instead of gifts or an expensive dinner, we travel. Yup, all the money we would have spent on each other, we save and go someplace fantastic for our Birthdays in October.
The Science Behind Sepsis and Sex
Let’s face it when you’re recovering from any illness, you are not looking your best, hygiene may be diminished, energy is depleted and your libido is GONE!!! Sepsis is a systemic infection and it affects your brain too.
I wanted to cite some research that definitively explains why libido is affected by sepsis but there is none! Note to self. Most sepsis patients have some level of encephalopathy or brain disturbance in fighting sepsis. During the course of infection that is sepsis the blood-brain barrier is disrupted and there is oxygen deprivation in the brain. This is called Sepsis Acquired Encephalopathy or SAE.
In layman’s terms, your brain has been injured. Sexual functioning and arousal originate in the brain so that is why you may have libido issues, erectile dysfunction, and/or inability to orgasm.
How Do I Fix It?
For me, time was a big thing. I’ve been assaulted by sepsis 3 times. I recover then I get hit again. So, it’s been a frustrating timeline for my Husband and I. Mostly for him, because I was still in fight mode. The brain can’t think of sex when it’s fighting for survival.
Intimacy doesn’t have to mean sex. Every night when he comes home from work, I welcome him at the door. I just learned this is called the dog theory and is a way to keep relationships tight. For instance, if you have a dog, who is most excited to see you walk through the door when you come home? See why this should transfer to our romantic relationships?
We also hug for 30 seconds. We sway back and forth and pair our breathing together. It’s a way to reconnect after being apart, reduces stress, reduces my pain, and brings us closer together.
Just simple acts of showing appreciation for each other’s contributions reinforce the love connection and make you release oxytocin, the love hormone. This is the same hormone released when you have an orgasm and have a baby. It connects you!
Intimacy leads to sex!
What is Your Love Language?
Talk to your partner about how you want to receive and express your love. If you’re single, I found knowing this was important in learning what I did and didn’t want in a relationship.
Originally developed by marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman in his 1992 book, the five love languages are:
- Words of Affirmation: communicating affection through spoken and written praise, appreciation, encouragement, and frequent “I love you’s”.
- Quality Time: expressing love by fully focusing attention on your partner through shared activities, conversation, and togetherness.
- Physical Touch: showing care through intimate and affectionate physical contact like hugging, kissing, and sex.
- Acts of Service: doing thoughtful deeds and gestures to help make your partner’s life easier by relieving burdens.
- Receiving Gifts: giving meaningful surprises and symbolic presents to celebrate affection.
Find A New Environment
I think traveling saved our marriage after I got sick. It gets you out of routine, we love being together, and it’s exciting discovering new places. When you’re away from distractions, it’s easy to concentrate on each other.
In 2019, we had a wonderful trip to Kauai. We rented an apartment, bought groceries at Costco, and drove around the island listening to music. It was the best time EVER! I was no longer sick Wifey on the couch, I was Hawaiian Wifey with a glow! To this day I spray tan just to look a little healthier.
I always say I’m happiest when my Husband is around. We just need to win the lottery so I can see him 24/7.
If finances are an issue, have a staycation. Ever heard of hotel sex? Nothing like christening a new room to keep things spicy!
PLAY!!!
Remember when you were a child and you’d get bored playing with the same toy? The same applies to sex, especially in long-term relationships.
Some people thrive with routine but most of us get bored. Experiment with toys, lubricants, role-playing, erotic books, and porn. Be playful in your daily interactions. Date your person all over again!
If you and your Valentine are not in a committed relationship, play safely. Water based lubes do not deteriorate condoms like oil based lubes do. Plus water based is more vagina friendly!
No matter what your physical capabilities are, or the level of pain you experience, we can all enjoy intimacy! I get we all want mind-blowing orgasms, but that may not be possible if you’re chronically ill and as we age. Open your mind to getting close and just touching your romantic partner more and nature will take its course.
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